(1) Rocky III
Growing up, Rocky III was my favourite movie. I realise now that I'm not a child anymore, that this movie is extremely homoerotic and at any given moment you expect Apollo Creed to brick in the Stallion's mouth.
In spite of - or maybe because of - that, I still to this day find Rocky III to be the greatest movie ever made. To prove I'm not gay with that statement, I can tell you I jacked one out to the Ring Girl in the Thunderlips fight. That proves I'm not gay...nor do I want to be. I don't like the idea of a men slapping his junk off my upper lip demanding I relieve him of his frustrations, and I would find such a scenario to be socially awkward.
Back on topic, this movie made me want to run marathons, made me want to punch people who were bigger than me in the face, and made me want to wear a pair of semi-tight black 1980's soccer shorts and run down the beach with my packagular bulge flopping around. Which brings me to my next point - In the scene where Rocky and Apollo are running down the beach in slow motion in belly tops and shorts, where is The Stallions package? There are gratuitous close ups of both Apollo's and Rocky's packages as they run, and The Stallion is preposterously inferior to the Master of Disaster's. Apollo's package looks like there's a Rugby team having a scrum in his pants, but then it goes to Rockys and it's rather disheartening to see a hero of mine, an idol, with nothing, not even a derisory camel toe, to speak of.
Why would Stallone, as director, include this in the final shot? Could he not have at least sellotaped bratwurst around that area and then ran?
What this proves to me, after Rocky has his crisis, beats Clubber Lang (which by the way, is a magnificent name for a penis) yadda yadda, and Rocky and Apollo square up for their friendly rematch (Ding Ding!), Apollo won because he is more man than Rocky due to his insanely robust penis.
Great movie all the same.
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