It is...how it is!

It is indeed, how it is...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Up In The Air? Down In The Squirts of Diarrhea...

Last night, there was some guttersnipe on TV called Operation Transformation. It's another program in which clinically obese people strive to become thin(ner)...and cry in the process, all the while some Hollywood music plays in the background, heightening the 'emotion' of a given situation they are subjected to.
It's all very frightening.
i.e. : Fat person tries to climb a rope while a sliver of radish hangs out of his bottom lip? Que, say, James Horner's score from 'Aliens'.

Or if a fat person only loses 1lb instead of their target 5lb, a wallowing, sombre tune from say, 'The Notebook' will build up in the background and reach a crescendo as said obese person turns into a quivering wreck, while his or her colleagues/competitors offer condolences with an astute twinkle of glory in their eyes.

Anyway, while that remorseless drivel played out in front of my eyes, I watched a George Clooney movie - Up In The Air - which will be met with a twinkle in all the ladies of the world's eye and a sudden urge to change their damp undercrackers due to the mere mention of Mr.Clooney's name.

To cut a very long, boring story short (Let's face it, nobody wants to read about the queue for the food, the old person sitting beside you who smells like Horlicks and boiled cabbage, or even the trailers for the movie...), the movie started and I can respect the fact that George Clooney is a very handsome man, with a magnificently dulcet voice and a rumoured big junk. I'll even go as far to say I think the man, on his day, is a fantastic actor (O Brother, From Dusk Til Dawn, his shmoozing in Out of Sight) but this movie from start to finish was horrific. I hadn't been that bored since (a) I had a house to myself, no porn and just my imagination, which isn't as fertile as it once was and (b) when I watched A Beautiful Mind.
From start to finish, it was nonsense. Nonsense! Like, Clooney's very presence causes the females in the movie to reassess their whole viewpoint on life. In airports! That's a very short sighted, narrow minded view on the movie, but it's the only view I have. Okay, so the extremely talented and beautiful Vera Farmiga strips off in it, which was nice, and I spent the rest of the movie wondering what colour her rusty bullet hole was (That pinkish colour, or the full on brown colour.) and what it would smell like. And THAT was the extent of my excitement while watching this critically lauded movie.

But come on, surely critics can shoot in their pants over Ninja Assassin. Which by the looks of the trailer deserves every award on the planet. Including Best Dressed, The Nobel Peace Prize and Friendliest Neighbour award.
So that's me for today. Between obese people exercising and crying, George Clooneys handsome bottom lip and Vera Farmiga's scented dumphole, it was a rather uneventful night.
Game over. Ball burst.